3 Ways To Have Better Conversations With Your Spouse

Keeping your relationship healthy takes a lot of work. But referring to it as "work" sure takes the fun out of being married, doesn't it?

That's the thing that couples unconsciously do amidst the business of keeping their marriages afloat. You became a couple to enjoy each other's company, and when the responsibilities of married life come rolling in, the relationship feels like an endless series of boring chores.

Marriage doesn't have to feel like work all the time; as a couple, you owe it to yourself to remember the pleasure of enjoying the little things.

Take your daily conversations for instance. When was the last time you had a pleasant chat that wasn't about the kids, your bills or the errands you have to run?

If you're having a hard time answering that, there are a few things you can do to make your conversations a way to make your marriage more pleasant on a daily basis:

#1: Don't Talk About Your Problems

Remember when I just asked about the last time you talked to your spouse about something other than your marital duties? This is actually the first rule of pleasant conversation!

When you're at a party with your co-workers, talking about work is probably not a great way to keep everyone in a festive mood. Instead, you'd probably feel bummed out and stressed.

The same should apply to your marriage. You signed up for better or worse, but it doesn't mean ALL of your conversations have to revolve around the mountain of stuff you need to get done.

Everyone needs a break, so take the initiative to set aside a certain time of the day to use that release valve and talk about something that you do like. It can be the simplest of things, like the funny joke your boss cracked at the board meeting or that silly cat video you saw on YouTube.

#2: "There, threre"

Ok, so maybe your spouse will feel like talking about things that are stressing him or her out (to blow off steam) and you feel like offering some helpful guidance on what to do about it.

Here's a tip: Don't.

As much as you might want to play counselor at this time, it would be better to hang back and let your spouse do the talking instead of coming up with a solution. If you really want to help, try to identify what he or she is feeling and mirror it back to your spouse.

For example, you can tell your spouse, "Geez, that sucks!" or "I'd probably throw a fit if that were me!"

It's actually more important to lend a sympathetic ear and make your partner feel you're in their corner. This is the best time to enforce that valuable sense of "we-ness" with something as basic as "I can't believe what a jerk your co-worker is!"

#3: "And Then What Did You Do??"

Who says all gifts come with a price tag? Your undivided attention is one of the best things you can give to your spouse to make them feel special.

Expressing a real sense of interest in their life is very beneficial to your marriage as it validates your partner's feelings. Chances are, your partner will have strong emotions attached to their anecdotes, so keeping your ears peeled and asking follow up questions is like saying, "I get you."

Sometimes, the basic courtesy of being a good listener is one of the simplest yet overlooked tricks to a great conversation with your spouse.

We've mentioned in the past that stress can accumulate in a marriage. Although we need to take the edge off marital difficulties by taking care of ourselves, your daily conversations can serve to de-stress you on a shared level.

Making a conscious effort to tweak your conversational style can surprisingly go a long way in doing that. In time, you'll develop the daily ritual of chatting your stress away at the day's end!

How do you make your conversations with your spouse more pleasant?  Let us know in the comments!

Leave a Reply to Kevinand Jennifer Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

10 comments on “3 Ways To Have Better Conversations With Your Spouse”

  1. I appreciate your information and I agree with you that being a good listener and not necessarily trying to fix or solve the problems that comes up in my wife's conversation works wonders. I concur that finding time to talk about other things that don't concern the chores, errands, and the children relives pressure. I thank you for your tips and advice on what helps make married life better.

  2. Its very hard not to remain focusing on the problem
    and I used to want to just solve it.
    Instead now I wait for his prompting and then try to be of good sympathetic ear without gving too much advice
    Practicing and remmebering the positive ways and Keep loving

  3. How do you have a conversation with your spouse when they dont give u the time of day. and are very short with u

    1. Sometimes communicating is about much more than just words. Have you tried smiling with her, sharing a joke, or giving her a hug? Ask her what you can do to help her out. Maybe when she is feeling calmer it will be a better time to initiate conversation. Remember, it's not just about what you say, but about choosing the right time to say it too. Best of luck!

  4. I have learned very important thing in my life that marriage is to be taken care of by both parties.
    Iam now able to understand my spouse better and know how to handle her or to handle the problem as it comes. Thank you very much to have saved my Twenty sixth year of my marriage May GOD bless you Keep on and help others as you have helped me

  5. Hey, thanks for your comments. I understand she's always tired, but have you tried talking to her and scheduling some 'couple' time where you can talk together over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine? There is always time if it's important enough...

  6. That's great news Carol!
    Sometimes it's about reaching out and doing things a little bit differently. Remember, an essential part of communication is listening and hearing what each of you have to say. Best of luck!
    The Save My Marriage Today team

  7. My husband and I struggle with communication. He is hardly ever home and we tend to argue quite a bit. I am at such a loss. What can I do to make things a little better?

Recent Posts
"The biggest benefit I have gained from “Save My Marriage Today” was perspective. There were so many lessons about how to look at what was happening in my life from a different angle. I needed clarity and hope and “Save My Marriage Today” gave me that. They used practical tips and things that I could really work on to be proactive in salvaging my relationship with my husband. The true examples from real people gave me insight that you can really survive an affair! This web site is different from many others in that the focus of the “advice” and help really reflects the name ---- “Save My Marriage Today.” Other web sites may not have that as a goal, but the salvation of my marriage was definitely what I was looking for."

-- Rhonda K. (Cottageville, SC)*
"Save My Marriage was very instrumental in helping my husband and myself understand each other by learning to communicate love words, to respect each others space, and to speak up when annoyed and not harbor anger. We were on the verge of divorce, thinking there was no way to repair the damage. Save My Marriage was a God send and we thank you so very much. After years of misgivings we are happy that we joined Save My Marriage and we worked it out and stayed together. We will celebrate our 27th anniversary this year!"

-- Fred and Maureen B.
(Putnam Valley, NY) *
"Since I began reading your Save My Marriage Today newsletters I am changed and I have also given him some newsletters to go through. He has also improved. Thanks so much for your advice and help! Our relationship has made some great breakthroughs and we are soon getting married! After reading your articles we are now in love again and we do as much as we can to create quality time for one another."

--Maureen M.
(Kakamega, Kenya)*
"Save My Marriage Today put it together for me, it made sense and got me to slow down, live in the moment and think about what is really important and how I can achieve it. The weekly bonus emails are great too because they remind me to stay focused and cover new topics I might not have thought about or realized. It takes work and it’s the biggest thing I’ve ever been through but with the right tools I know I can do it"

-- Brett P. (Longmount, CO)*
"Im glad I came across your Save My Marriage Today website. The situations and solutions presented are real, practical and simple to implement. Other websites painted a picture that marriage should be absolutely perfect and have no problems but we all know that's impossible to achieve. However your website has shown me that marriage needs work and a change in certain attitudes and behaviors, and after that things are not as complicated as we like to think. Thanks Save My Marriage Today for a wonderful website and for helping me get my marriage back on track!"

-- Elsa K.
(Nelspruit, South Africa) *
"I found the Save My Marriage Today articles to be very helpful and insightful, and there were times that I thought there was a spy in our home as the articles were so personally related.

We have gone from "I should divorce you" to "Maybe I will keep you around for another 30 years." Marriage is hard work and if you have the right tools and are willing to work with them, you can make it last forever. I think my wife and I are soulmates and I think I would be completely lost without her."

-- Robert and Joanne H.
(Powell River, BC, Canada) *
"My marriage is experiencing a tremendous transformation. I, on behalf of my wife am very grateful to "Save My Marriage Today" for practically saving ours. What makes "Save My Marriage Today"different from other sites is that it is very simple and practicable to even a layman's understanding."

-- Inemobong U.
(Akwa Ibom, Nigeria) *
"My relationship with my husband had been going downhill for far too long, and I purchased your book in a desperate bid to fix things. After reading your info I discovered that I had been guilty of a number of the things that you identified as being warning signs of a problem marriage. I've been following your methods for remedying the situation, and I have been staggered by the success. Our marriage is now well on its way to becoming better than it ever was before and I can see us being happily married forever now. My eternal thanks!

-- Mary Evans, (Seattle, WA) *
"I found the biggest benefit from Save My Marriage Today was that you are educators in life, love, and happiness and that someone out there is human and understands the demands of the common family in society today, including struggles with money, intimacy, and your life not just your marriage.

I have spent countless dollars trying to get help and was sadly disappointed in all until now with you.. Save My Marriage Today has been a blessing to our family and we all thank you."

-- Doug M. (Davie, Florida) *
"I've been married to my wife for 15 years now and I was at a total loss as to what was going wrong with our marriage. She just seemed to stop loving me. Thanks to your book, I've totally changed the way I approach the situation, it was not easy, but during the last three months, the turn around in our relationship has been simply amazing! And her friends are a lot more supportive of our marriage too... I am so grateful!"

-- Steven Kitchen, Edmonton, Canada*
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace the advice of a registered relationship counselor. While SaveMyMarriageToday endeavors to provide helpful and workable advice for dating and relationships, face-to-face consultations with a registered professional are still recommended. Information contained on this website is provided 'as is,' without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall SaveMyMarriageToday be liable for any consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the information on this website. The information and recommendations are intended as an informative guide only and do not guarantee any kind of success or permanent fix. Results may vary.

© 2020 SaveMyMarriageToday.com All Rights Reserved. "SaveMyMarriageToday" are trademarks used by Unica Publications. By entering, you agree to our terms and conditions. By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our free email newsletter. You must be 18 or older to enter.To contact support use the Contact Us link above.
bars