3 Ways To Have Better Conversations With Your Spouse

Keeping your relationship healthy takes a lot of work. But referring to it as "work" sure takes the fun out of being married, doesn't it?

That's the thing that couples unconsciously do amidst the business of keeping their marriages afloat. You became a couple to enjoy each other's company, and when the responsibilities of married life come rolling in, the relationship feels like an endless series of boring chores.

Marriage doesn't have to feel like work all the time; as a couple, you owe it to yourself to remember the pleasure of enjoying the little things.

Take your daily conversations for instance. When was the last time you had a pleasant chat that wasn't about the kids, your bills or the errands you have to run?

If you're having a hard time answering that, there are a few things you can do to make your conversations a way to make your marriage more pleasant on a daily basis:

#1: Don't Talk About Your Problems

Remember when I just asked about the last time you talked to your spouse about something other than your marital duties? This is actually the first rule of pleasant conversation!

When you're at a party with your co-workers, talking about work is probably not a great way to keep everyone in a festive mood. Instead, you'd probably feel bummed out and stressed.

The same should apply to your marriage. You signed up for better or worse, but it doesn't mean ALL of your conversations have to revolve around the mountain of stuff you need to get done.

Everyone needs a break, so take the initiative to set aside a certain time of the day to use that release valve and talk about something that you do like. It can be the simplest of things, like the funny joke your boss cracked at the board meeting or that silly cat video you saw on YouTube.

#2: "There, threre"

Ok, so maybe your spouse will feel like talking about things that are stressing him or her out (to blow off steam) and you feel like offering some helpful guidance on what to do about it.

Here's a tip: Don't.

As much as you might want to play counselor at this time, it would be better to hang back and let your spouse do the talking instead of coming up with a solution. If you really want to help, try to identify what he or she is feeling and mirror it back to your spouse.

For example, you can tell your spouse, "Geez, that sucks!" or "I'd probably throw a fit if that were me!"

It's actually more important to lend a sympathetic ear and make your partner feel you're in their corner. This is the best time to enforce that valuable sense of "we-ness" with something as basic as "I can't believe what a jerk your co-worker is!"

#3: "And Then What Did You Do??"

Who says all gifts come with a price tag? Your undivided attention is one of the best things you can give to your spouse to make them feel special.

Expressing a real sense of interest in their life is very beneficial to your marriage as it validates your partner's feelings. Chances are, your partner will have strong emotions attached to their anecdotes, so keeping your ears peeled and asking follow up questions is like saying, "I get you."

Sometimes, the basic courtesy of being a good listener is one of the simplest yet overlooked tricks to a great conversation with your spouse.

We've mentioned in the past that stress can accumulate in a marriage. Although we need to take the edge off marital difficulties by taking care of ourselves, your daily conversations can serve to de-stress you on a shared level.

Making a conscious effort to tweak your conversational style can surprisingly go a long way in doing that. In time, you'll develop the daily ritual of chatting your stress away at the day's end!

How do you make your conversations with your spouse more pleasant?  Let us know in the comments!

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10 comments on “3 Ways To Have Better Conversations With Your Spouse”

  1. I appreciate your information and I agree with you that being a good listener and not necessarily trying to fix or solve the problems that comes up in my wife's conversation works wonders. I concur that finding time to talk about other things that don't concern the chores, errands, and the children relives pressure. I thank you for your tips and advice on what helps make married life better.

  2. Its very hard not to remain focusing on the problem
    and I used to want to just solve it.
    Instead now I wait for his prompting and then try to be of good sympathetic ear without gving too much advice
    Practicing and remmebering the positive ways and Keep loving

  3. How do you have a conversation with your spouse when they dont give u the time of day. and are very short with u

    1. Sometimes communicating is about much more than just words. Have you tried smiling with her, sharing a joke, or giving her a hug? Ask her what you can do to help her out. Maybe when she is feeling calmer it will be a better time to initiate conversation. Remember, it's not just about what you say, but about choosing the right time to say it too. Best of luck!

  4. I have learned very important thing in my life that marriage is to be taken care of by both parties.
    Iam now able to understand my spouse better and know how to handle her or to handle the problem as it comes. Thank you very much to have saved my Twenty sixth year of my marriage May GOD bless you Keep on and help others as you have helped me

  5. Hey, thanks for your comments. I understand she's always tired, but have you tried talking to her and scheduling some 'couple' time where you can talk together over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine? There is always time if it's important enough...

  6. That's great news Carol!
    Sometimes it's about reaching out and doing things a little bit differently. Remember, an essential part of communication is listening and hearing what each of you have to say. Best of luck!
    The Save My Marriage Today team

  7. My husband and I struggle with communication. He is hardly ever home and we tend to argue quite a bit. I am at such a loss. What can I do to make things a little better?

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