Among the numerous consultation emails we get daily, we’ve come across a couple of marriage questions that we’ve been seeing recently. If anything, these common concerns are unhappy marriage signs which indicate that many couples are struggling with key issues.
That being said, we’d like to share our thoughts on these matters:
#1: “What Causes Cheating?”
To begin with, it’s dangerous for couples to think that they’re beyond the danger of infidelity. Under the right circumstances, any spouse can be driven to cheat.
In general, the risk of cheating grows bigger when there is something vital is lacking in the marriage. A sharp plunge in intimacy for example, is one of the unhappy marriage signs that serves as an ideal breeding ground for infidelity.
When someone is deprived of something that was once abundant, it’s human nature to seek an alternate source. For some, this means having to break their wedding vows.
The spouse who is doing the cheating is often willing to go though the incredible effort of hiding the affair because in their mind, the benefits outweigh the risks. For them, it’s much easier to recapture the feeling of romance which has faded away in their marriage.
Plus, having an affair offers an avenue for a person to vent their frustrations by way of their lover. In fact, infidelity usually begins when one of the distressed spouses resort to telling a friend of the opposite sex about their marital woes.
This is a very real risk that any couple has to deal with; if left unchecked, the hurting partner could very well develop feelings towards his or her confidant.
#2: How Can We Communicate Better?
Based on our experience in helping couples, this specific issue is often interconnected to the problem of infidelity.
When spouses begin to argue in a way that doesn’t allow them to properly express their feelings, their communication style usually degenerates to an attack on each other’s character.
Think about it – if your arguments don’t allow you to amicably settle your differences and simply turn into an exchange of hurtful insults, you’re definitely bound to drift apart. One of the most common unhappy marriage signs is when a couple argues just to tear each other down – and not to resolve their issues.
The lack of a constructive outlet for feelings will form a gap wide enough to create the perfect opportunity to fall in love with someone else.
The good news is that there are things you can do today to prevent potential disasters tomorrow. For example, spouses need to make a shared and conscious effort to work through their disagreements in a civilized manner.
While that sounds easier in print as opposed to actually doing it, you’ll find that getting into the habit of good communication goes a long way in the bigger picture.
A good approach is to focus on telling your partner about how you feel regarding a given issue instead of directly accusing them of whatever it is that’s stressing you out.
However, be open-minded enough to hear out your partner when it’s their turn to discuss their feelings. In the long run, you’ll come to appreciate the benefits of making this subtle but powerful adjustment in your communication style as a couple.
All in all, the answer to the two marriage questions we just discussed rests on a basic truth: marital problems don’t pop up out of the blue.
Rather, they start out tiny, much like a seed taking root over time. The more a couple “nurtures” these “small” issues with neglect and complacence, the bigger they’ll grow over time.
Unhappy marriage signs shouldn’t be ignored. Otherwise, the small conflicts swept under the rug will eventually grow too big to be overlooked.
Indeed, a lot of marriages are undermined by the unseen threat of problems left to fester in plain sight. And when the so-called elephant in the room becomes to big to ignore, the relationship suffers as a result.
So really, major problems start out as “small” issues which can snowball into an avalanche of headaches if they aren’t nipped in the bud. The key to doing this is through preventive daily habits which can be adapted to keep you from running into future problems.
As such, we hope that the points we’ve covered will inspire you to look into additional ways to maintain the health of your marriage.
Remember, the most important part of the solution is taking that first step towards improvement.