The 5 key ingredients for a healthy marriage

Part of being so closely connected to someone through the bonds of marriage means that the thoughts, feelings, and dreams of each spouse literally start to become intertwined.

It is inevitable that our own self-views will become affected by how our partners see us, and thus it is possible for our partners to either boost or reduce our feelings of self-worth.

And there is nothing more saddening than to see a great person become less and less self-confident due to being continuously brought down by a cold and diminishing relationship partner.

On the other hand though, there is nothing more inspiring than seeing a couple who always boost each other up and bring out the best in each other.

Which brings us to the key ingredient for a healthy marriage: mutual respect.

One of the most common reasons behind marital conflict and dissatisfaction is when someone is feeling a lack of respect from their spouse. This was shown in a recent survey where over 40% of men felt unappreciated by their significant others or families, and this had a marked impact on their happiness in their relationships.

Showing your respect is a really clear way of communicating your love to your spouse, and enabling them to grow as a person.

For your spouse to feel loved and worthy as a person, they need to feel respected by you.

We all have insecurities, especially when it comes to things such as our appearance, job, and social life. When we feel our partner does not respect us, this can bring all these insecurities to the surface.

And if you are not feeling respected at home, chances are you will struggle to feel respected by others in your life, and things like your work performance may start to take a hit.

By choosing to either show respect or disrespect to your spouse, you have the power to either confirm or deny their inner fears.

You may think that you already do respect your spouse. But be wary that there may be times where you are showing your spouse disrespect without even being aware of it, no matter how much you love them.

And also be aware that this alone could be the main source of tension and conflicts in your marriage.

The hard thing is, your spouse is unlikely to actually tell you outright that what they are feeling is a lack of respect from you. Instead, they may show this in a range of behaviours and emotions, including:

- Withdrawal
- Outbursts of anger
- Stony silence
- Signs of resentment
- Feelings of humiliation and embarrassment
- Crying

Let’s look at how you can consciously avoid disrespecting your spouse, and instead start showing them your respect (and your love) in a big way.

1. Trust your spouse’s judgment

Trusting our spouse’s judgment is a very clear way of showing them our respect.

This is all about affirming your spouse’s views and decisions without questioning or criticising them. This means taking things into perspective and letting the odd thing slide – will it really matter if the way they have suggested is just a little more complicated than your way?

Unfortunately, all too often we tend to question our spouse’s decisions or opinions without even realising we’re doing it. We may think we are being helpful in offering an alternative or asking our spouse to explain their reasoning, but really what we are doing is deflating their ego and filling them with self-doubt.

Always assume that your spouse is doing things for the best reasons, rather than jumping straight to the critique. Remember, we all make mistakes.

How often do you use these (or similar) phrases in your marriage?

“I trust you”
“You’re right”
“That does sound like the best way”

Chances are, we could all do with using these a bit more often with our spouses.

Of course, if you do strongly disagree with a judgment-call of your partner’s, you have every right to voice your opinion and suggest an alternative. Just try and treat their ego as gently as you can while you do this, and make sure it is when the two of you are alone, rather than in front of an audience.

2. Accept and ask for their help and input

A great way of showing your spouse that you respect and value their input is by asking for their help and advice.

Although we often want to get things done by ourselves, it can actually be really nice to have the perspective of someone else every once in a while.

Especially in a relationship when the outcome of decisions often affects both partners, it is important to try not to leap into decisions by yourself. Give your spouse a chance to give you their input.

“Hey babe, I could really use your help on figuring out what I can do about (fill in your problem here). What do you think about it?”

Obviously, some of our day-to-day decisions do not require our spouse’s input. But try making a conscious effort to include your spouse more in your problem-solving and decision-making from now on.

Helping you and being considered will make your spouse feel good, and should really boost feelings of closeness in your relationship.

3. Show your appreciation

“Thank you so much for doing that, honey. I really appreciate it.”

A simple ‘thank you’ can do so much in making your spouse feel worthy and valued. Better yet, it will encourage your spouse to continue to do these things in future.

Of course, there are multiple ways you can show your appreciation. A hug, kiss, or massage will also go a long way in making them feel appreciated.

4. Acknowledge your spouse’s achievements

It is really important to recognise and celebrate our spouses’ achievements, no matter how big or small.
Focus on acknowledging and rewarding the things they have done well, rather than criticising anything they haven’t done.

Saying “I’m proud of you” goes a long way in making your spouse feel special and valued.

5. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS show public respect

People are generally pretty good at picking up on the vibes between a couple in social situations.

Have you ever had the horrible experience of being witness to a married couple where one spouse obviously has complete control over the other, and is making their spouse appear completely weak and helpless by belittling them in front of everyone?

The spouse that is being belittled is bound to find this excruciatingly humiliating, but feels powerless to regain their social standing and self-respect without their spouse starting to show respect for them first.

Please always be aware that there is nothing that will cut your spouse more deeply than being criticised or belittled by you in front of their friends, family, or workmates. Even that light teasing you think is funny might actually feel really humiliating for your spouse – always look out for signs they might be feeling uncomfortable.

If you disagree with anything your spouse does or says in public, they will really appreciate it if you save any constructive criticism for later when you’re alone.

There is nothing that will make your spouse feel more loved than publicly displaying your respect and appreciation for them.

Show your respect by telling others about your spouse’s achievements, or making references to what a great husband/wife/parent they are. Your spouse may try to downplay this or show a little embarrassment, but on the inside you can be sure they will be beaming.

Brooke Ryan

Author,
SaveMyMarriageToday.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

One comment on “The 5 key ingredients for a healthy marriage”

Recent Posts
"The biggest benefit I have gained from “Save My Marriage Today” was perspective. There were so many lessons about how to look at what was happening in my life from a different angle. I needed clarity and hope and “Save My Marriage Today” gave me that. They used practical tips and things that I could really work on to be proactive in salvaging my relationship with my husband. The true examples from real people gave me insight that you can really survive an affair! This web site is different from many others in that the focus of the “advice” and help really reflects the name ---- “Save My Marriage Today.” Other web sites may not have that as a goal, but the salvation of my marriage was definitely what I was looking for."

-- Rhonda K. (Cottageville, SC)*
"Save My Marriage was very instrumental in helping my husband and myself understand each other by learning to communicate love words, to respect each others space, and to speak up when annoyed and not harbor anger. We were on the verge of divorce, thinking there was no way to repair the damage. Save My Marriage was a God send and we thank you so very much. After years of misgivings we are happy that we joined Save My Marriage and we worked it out and stayed together. We will celebrate our 27th anniversary this year!"

-- Fred and Maureen B.
(Putnam Valley, NY) *
"Since I began reading your Save My Marriage Today newsletters I am changed and I have also given him some newsletters to go through. He has also improved. Thanks so much for your advice and help! Our relationship has made some great breakthroughs and we are soon getting married! After reading your articles we are now in love again and we do as much as we can to create quality time for one another."

--Maureen M.
(Kakamega, Kenya)*
"Save My Marriage Today put it together for me, it made sense and got me to slow down, live in the moment and think about what is really important and how I can achieve it. The weekly bonus emails are great too because they remind me to stay focused and cover new topics I might not have thought about or realized. It takes work and it’s the biggest thing I’ve ever been through but with the right tools I know I can do it"

-- Brett P. (Longmount, CO)*
"Im glad I came across your Save My Marriage Today website. The situations and solutions presented are real, practical and simple to implement. Other websites painted a picture that marriage should be absolutely perfect and have no problems but we all know that's impossible to achieve. However your website has shown me that marriage needs work and a change in certain attitudes and behaviors, and after that things are not as complicated as we like to think. Thanks Save My Marriage Today for a wonderful website and for helping me get my marriage back on track!"

-- Elsa K.
(Nelspruit, South Africa) *
"I found the Save My Marriage Today articles to be very helpful and insightful, and there were times that I thought there was a spy in our home as the articles were so personally related.

We have gone from "I should divorce you" to "Maybe I will keep you around for another 30 years." Marriage is hard work and if you have the right tools and are willing to work with them, you can make it last forever. I think my wife and I are soulmates and I think I would be completely lost without her."

-- Robert and Joanne H.
(Powell River, BC, Canada) *
"My marriage is experiencing a tremendous transformation. I, on behalf of my wife am very grateful to "Save My Marriage Today" for practically saving ours. What makes "Save My Marriage Today"different from other sites is that it is very simple and practicable to even a layman's understanding."

-- Inemobong U.
(Akwa Ibom, Nigeria) *
"My relationship with my husband had been going downhill for far too long, and I purchased your book in a desperate bid to fix things. After reading your info I discovered that I had been guilty of a number of the things that you identified as being warning signs of a problem marriage. I've been following your methods for remedying the situation, and I have been staggered by the success. Our marriage is now well on its way to becoming better than it ever was before and I can see us being happily married forever now. My eternal thanks!

-- Mary Evans, (Seattle, WA) *
"I found the biggest benefit from Save My Marriage Today was that you are educators in life, love, and happiness and that someone out there is human and understands the demands of the common family in society today, including struggles with money, intimacy, and your life not just your marriage.

I have spent countless dollars trying to get help and was sadly disappointed in all until now with you.. Save My Marriage Today has been a blessing to our family and we all thank you."

-- Doug M. (Davie, Florida) *
"I've been married to my wife for 15 years now and I was at a total loss as to what was going wrong with our marriage. She just seemed to stop loving me. Thanks to your book, I've totally changed the way I approach the situation, it was not easy, but during the last three months, the turn around in our relationship has been simply amazing! And her friends are a lot more supportive of our marriage too... I am so grateful!"

-- Steven Kitchen, Edmonton, Canada*
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace the advice of a registered relationship counselor. While SaveMyMarriageToday endeavors to provide helpful and workable advice for dating and relationships, face-to-face consultations with a registered professional are still recommended. Information contained on this website is provided 'as is,' without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall SaveMyMarriageToday be liable for any consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the information on this website. The information and recommendations are intended as an informative guide only and do not guarantee any kind of success or permanent fix. Results may vary.

© 2020 SaveMyMarriageToday.com All Rights Reserved. "SaveMyMarriageToday" are trademarks used by Unica Publications. By entering, you agree to our terms and conditions. By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our free email newsletter. You must be 18 or older to enter.To contact support use the Contact Us link above.
bars