Putting Your Marriage First

Many parents in this day and age find themselves juggling responsibilities like their kids, finances, careers and many other things in between.

Given the current state the economy is in, married couples are all the more driven to put their time and energy into providing a better life for their families. It’s an all-too common reality that one income isn't enough to support the average family.

So the common trade-off is that couples have to sacrifice time for each other in exchange for earning more. With so many things to worry about, it's hardly surprising that a lot of couples nowadays are at risk of losing sight of what brought them together in the first place.

Like it or not, everyone – including you and your partner – are at risk of getting so caught up in maintaining your relationship that you end up forgetting the most important element: each other.

This is a common challenge for all couples, and keeping your marriage alive and well throughout the years isn’t a tall order as it seems:

Step # 1: Make Time For Each Other In Simple Ways

Being proactive is key. Just like the other aspects of your life, it comes down to a matter of planning ahead when it comes to setting aside couple time.

At the very least, you should think a few weeks ahead so that your responsibilities won’t be an excuse for you not to get together. Remember, your marriage is not all business; you also need to hang out for the sake of having fun.

However, one of the biggest obstacles to getting this done is assuming that spending time together has to be on a grand scale, such as a luxury cruise. This kind of thinking holds people back from making the effort to plan ahead and put their marriage on the back burner.

The truth is that quality time doesn’t have to be measured by the amount of money you need to shell out. Sometimes, being stingy is a good thing because hanging out with your spouse shouldn’t be limited by financial constraints.

Don’t be worried that your options are limited. A little research will tell you that there are plenty of ways to spend time with your spouse on the cheap.

For instance, your local community should have a host of free activities or events you and your spouse might enjoy. If you’re both into arts and culture, attending community theater is a good way to rekindle your interest in the performing arts.

On the other hand, you might have a specific cause or charity that’s close to your hearts. There are hundreds of grassroots volunteer centers that need all the help they can get. Good examples are animal shelters which might be just the thing if you like cats or dogs.

If you’re outdoor buffs, biking along the local park will allow you and your spouse to enjoy the scenery. You could even bring along a picnic basket with goodies like wine, cheese, crackers or whatever other snacks you both like. By the time the sun goes down, you could share a special moment together and indulge in the simple joys of life.

As much as we’d like to give you a detailed step-by-step guide on how to figure out your schedule, all couples are different. You and your partner have a specific daily itinerary so it’s up to you to come up with a timetable that works for your relationship.

At first it might seem weird to be planning your days like this since “fun time” should be spontaneous. However, you can’t get around the fact that your life has changed and you now have other priorities to sort out. But that doesn’t mean you still can’t have fun even if you need to think ahead.

Couples who have just started dating bond much faster through shared activities. Collective experiences naturally create an emotional closeness between people, and this still applies to you even if you’ve been together for years.

Step # 2: Maintaining Your Intimacy

Companionship is a basic foundation for your marriage, but married life is just as dependent on the sexual aspect of your relationship. Keeping the romance alive means having shared experiences both inside and outside the bedroom.

Physical intimacy is just as important in strengthening your marital bonds. This is why you should also make time to get busy under the sheets.

Don’t think that the opportunity to get physical with your spouse will just present itself without any effort on your part. Like we said in the beginning, your schedule could very well overwhelm you if you don’t take a proactive approach.

Again, it feels unromantic to plan something like having sex, but you already know that you have to work around your schedule to make this happen. Besides, you really won’t be complaining about thinking ahead once things heat up.

Step #3: Knowing Each Other Inside Out

Spending time together and making love are not enough. You also have to know what’s going on inside each other’s heads. You and your partner may be together at home all the time, but do you try and ask how he or she is doing?

As the routine of married life settles in, it’s quite easy to tune each other out and forget about how each of you is doing.

With so much on your plate, you might think that you’ll get around to having have those intimate conversations like you did before you got married. But that day will never come unless you really want it to.

When you make time to get together, don’t forget to also ask your spouse how he or she is doing during your conversations. For all you know, there are a lot of things on your partner’s mind that you didn’t even know about.

It’s dangerous to assume that you already know everything about your spouse. Both of you are busy with your individual lives. So it’s normal to slowly become unfamiliar with the other’s emotional well being.

Understandably, talking about these things can be difficult, especially if you haven’t gotten into these topics for a while.

Nevertheless, you can still chip away at this by asking simple questions about the things that matte to your spouse. This can include things like their job, or current hobbies.

As they start to open up again about the things that keep them up at night or inspire them, you’ll be able to peel back one layer at a time. Soon enough you’ll be able to restore the emotional intimacy that you once had.

At Save My Marriage Today, we believe in the power of the “little things” and how they add up over time. Gestures and habits that don’t seem much at first actually matter in the long run; couples who don’t realize this will eventually drift apart.

The fact is that these things create “ripples” in your marriage. What you do might seem small today, but with consistent effort, the effects will radiate and expand in the greater scheme of things.

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