How To Prevent Divorce In 3 Effective Ways

When a couple's marriage starts to become emotionally stressful, one of the spouses usually tries to figure out how to prevent divorce. Most people assume that they need to take drastic measures, such as a lavish weekend getaway or going straight to a marriage therapist to save their marriage.

While doing those things has their place in a relationship, you might want to start out with a more practical approach with how to prevent divorce. Chances are your marriage will benefit with everyday habits you can easily adapt into your daily routine. Consider the following:

# 1: Fight To Resolve, Not To Hurt

One of the biggest ways to assess the health of a marriage is in the way a couple argues. If they have the habit of fighting to inflict emotional damage instead of resolving an issue, then this will greatly reduce the survival rate of their relationship.

This usually starts with opening the discussion with a personal attack or criticizing one's spouse (e.g. "You're so selfish!", "Why can't you get things right?"). It then triggers an equally hostile reaction from the other person, creating a back and forth cycle of conflict.

The best way to counteract this trend is by making the first move to be more tactful towards your partner. Even if your partner might push your buttons, you don't have to obey your urge to fire back.

Instead, try counteracting their harsh words by positively framing your emotions.

The best way to do this is by making a complaint about the situation at hand, and then state your emotions. Notice that this doesn't include blaming your partner for the problem nor imply that you're better than them. Here's an example:

"The trash has been in our kitchen for a day now, and I'm feeling upset because it hasn't been taken out like you said you would. It's really important to me that we have a clean house so I'd really appreciate it if you helped me with that."

#2: Create Positive Emotions

The other problem that leads to divorce is a negative mindset towards one's spouse as well as the marriage as a whole. Fighting to hurt is also partly to blame here, but it's also rooted in unsolvable conflicts that all couples have.

If you want to know how to prevent divorce, a good way to get started is by fostering the habit of using compliments and praise. This is very simple to do – you just need to actively look for good things that your spouse does and verbalize your observations to him or her.

Admittedly, this can be very difficult if you've been feeling upset with your partner. Nevertheless, you need to work through your resentment and use kind words which will encourage your partner to be more loving and supportive.

Make a personal daily list of the things (your smartphone or pen and paper will do) you love about your spouse and let them know at least one item from your collection once a day.

It may not seem like much at first, but these "little things" accumulate over time. For example, you point out the following:

"I can't keep my hands off of you whenever you wear that cute little outfit to the office!"

"I love how you always make me coffee in the morning even though you haven't had anything yourself yet."

"You always know how to make me laugh when I get stressed out over work."

"Thank you for taking care of me and the kids."

#3: Find a Way Out Of Conflict

Remember the unsolvable conflicts I mentioned in the last tip? Aside from creating negative feelings in your marriage, your long-standing issues can also create a gap as the months and years go by.

Eventually, this will poison the relationship if you don't learn how to compromise. This usually begins when a couple can't deal with their personality differences.

One person in the relationship might be an introvert while the other is an extrovert. In other cases, one spouse might tend to be frugal while the other likes to spend more lavishly. Whatever it is, this can generate a lot of friction if you allow it.

To manage the conflicts that arise from these factors, the first step is to accept there are some aspects of your spouse that you can never change. It greatly helps to adjust your mindset in the sense that you need to look at it like a chronic physical condition, such as a bad back.

The next step is to discuss with your spouse about your innermost desires that are related to your disagreements. To give you a better idea, let's say that a couple is always fighting over money. If the more frugal partner grew up in a household where finances were limited, that explains why he or she has the habit of saving up more rather than spending like the other person in the marriage.

Everyone has their motivations behind their position on marital issues, so it's your job as a couple to uncover why you're on opposite sides of certain matters. In particular, it helps to discuss how your childhood experiences have influenced your mindset.

It will be difficult to go through this, but you can gradually do it over the course of several discussions. You'll find that it will be much easier to come to a mutually satisfying compromise when you understand each other on a deeper level.

In the end, you don't have to take huge steps if you want to learn how to prevent divorce. By starting out slowly and surely, you'll eventually chip away at your marital problems until you make major breakthroughs down the road.

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9 comments on “How To Prevent Divorce In 3 Effective Ways”

  1. She's bossy and a terrible back-seat driver, not just in the car, but if I'm washing dishes or hanging a picture or fixing a door. I have treated it as a condition like a bad-back and philosophically let it all spill off me, but maybe I should have been setting boundaries like insisting on "please" and "thank you". Maybe she just sees me as a wussy (she says she's lost her passion for me) instead of extremely tolerant and patient.

  2. Please ,how do i go about the woman that complains all the time & has nothing to appriciate no matter how you may try to please her,so what could have be the problem of such person?

  3. Hi Kingsley, it seems your partner is going through a reality check in your marriage, which is causing her to act that way. She's probably suffering from some disillusionment now that you've gotten over the honeymoon phase in your relationship. Thus, you need to rebuild the friendship which may have eroded over time.

  4. Me-Let's go the marriage counseling
    Her- I don't want to
    Me- Read these marriage books I read
    Her- I don't want to
    Me - Go and talk to my therapist
    Her- I don't want to
    Me - Let's communicate
    Her- I don't want to
    Her- I going to Mexico for a visit with the baby (five days later)
    I'm staying indefinitely
    You people think you got problems...try dealing with a woman that takes your child away from you

  5. My husband cheated on me with a prostitute a year back. He got sick with guilt, and literally started imagining that he has different diseases. I supported him through that cos he begged me to stay, but I never was able to forgive him. Instead of taking a break from him, I landed up supporting him through his phsychological issues, which built my resentment towards him. Then we made a huge move to another country, which we didn't like. So I went into depression. I also realised there were a lot of negative factors that I had created in my marriage that led to this. So I regretted those and now we are heading back home. But he says he tried and tried through those months and I still bickered and yelled and he has fallen out of love. He is not wrong, but I really love him. I want nothing but happiness and that belongs with him. He says he wants to work on the marriage but cannot feel love. What should I do? I want both of us to let go of everything in the past since we had our reasons and justifications and made mistakes. We are working towards that but will he ever love me again?

  6. Hi Lewis, what happened to your marriage was terrible, I hope you're able to get legal help to get your child back. You might want to get other parties involved given your situation. Also, please go over these articles to help you get a better perspective on things:

  7. Hi Philly_girl, it will take a lot of work to truly get past infidelity and repair the damage in your marriage. Please check out this article to help you with that:

    If you feel that your partner has emotionally "checked out" of your marriage, go over these posts to get the ball rolling regardless of his disposition:

  8. I found out my husband was having an affair. 3 weeks later he filed for divorce and moved in with his secretary who is 20 yrs younger. He is 53. We have a 9 year old son. He didn't even want to try to save our marriage.
    How do u even try to hold on to any hope of turning this around?

  9. My wife of 14 yrs. Left on 8-6-14 ,she62, i am 51, she stated that i dont fit into her p life, anymore we had become disconnected last 3 yrs. Slowly she stsrted changing her personality to a person i dont even know really as i have tried to understand this whole thing and wsnt to know do people in there life make these changes as to start over with everything?....its hard to believe

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