Many people who aren’t good at handling conflicts with their spouse look for ways how to fix a bad marriage. The problem is that many people aren’t fully aware of the mitigating factors which create marital issues in the first place.
So they end up getting frustrated from stabbing about in the dark, aimlessly, trying different approaches that simply don’t work.
By being aware of the root causes of your marriage conflict, you’ll know which areas you can work on. To point you in the right direction, here are some of the typical marriage issues that plague many couples:
#1: Growing Apart
Sadly, it’s very typical for a lot of couples to grow apart as the years go by. This is a common phase in the evolution of a marriage. There tends to be high levels of romantic feelings and infatuation during the early stages of the relationship, but this naturally goes down after a couple gets married.
In time, they take each other for granted and start becoming strangers to each other. Being emotionally disconnected from your partner makes it very easy for even the simplest of marriage problems to tear a couple apart.
To remedy this, reacquaint yourself with your spouse by asking for their input and thoughts on your marriage as a whole. Talk to them about love, how their love has evolved or changed over time, how their perception of happy ever after has changed in the time you have been married, the benefits and challenges of living together, what their dream future looks like, and other essential topics.
This is your opportunity to listen to your spouse share their views and discuss in a non-threatening way how they see your marriage. It's vital to listen if you really want to understand and learn.
For example, ask them what they’re most afraid of, how they see their career in the next several years, or what spending time together means. You might think that you already know these things, but you might be surprised how much your spouse has changed over the months and years.
#2: Playing The Blame Game
This is a very unhealthy habit to have; when you tend to think that your partner’s “flawed” personality is at the heart of your marital problems, it will generate a lot of mutual hatred.
Coming from this mindset will drive you to accuse your spouse all the time and hurl criticism at them. Obviously your partner won’t take your words well and will feel the need to fight back. In other words, blaming each other escalates your negative emotions and ultimately creates a destructive pattern in your relationship.
If want to know how to fix a bad marriage, you can begin the healing process by being more thoughtful in how you express your frustration toward your spouse. Rather than telling them it’s their fault that the problem exists, talk about it as a shared issue which you want to tackle together.
People are more receptive to act positively when they’re handled with tact as opposed to an aggressive attitude will that only provoke them.
Think about how you can rephrase your statements so that you leave out the blame. Instead, focus on the problem - approach the issue as something which requires your spouse’s help in order to resolve it.
If you’re feeling angry or upset, you can simply state how you feel while leaving out any harsh words or accusations.
#3: Unhealthy Fighting Patterns
Of course, we’re all human. When a person is provoked enough, they will eventually crack and feel forced to fight back. Thus, the problem is when emotions run high and lead to a meltdown between a couple.
Fights can get ugly quickly, and a couple at this point will usually use hurtful or even obscene language in an attempt to cut each other down. Once you’ve crossed this line, it’s hard to go back; nothing gets resolved in the end.
In order to stop this counterproductive cycle, you have to find a way to diffuse the situation. First, try to be aware of when you’re getting too agitated – this is a warning sign that things are about to get worse. You can tell your spouse what you’re feeling so you can both take a break.
It can be something as simple as “Hey, this is getting too much for me – can we take a breather first? I don’t want to blow my top and make things worse.”
Or you can identify your feelings and make a request from your spouse. For instance, try this next time:
“That hurt – can you put that in a more constructive way? I want to compromise with you, so please be gentler with me.”
You don’t have to follow these verbatim, but you still might feel weird talking to your spouse this way. However, just work through these initial feelings and introduce this healthy pattern into your arguments.
When you get used to fighting fair, you’ll no longer dread having a difference of opinions since you’ve built boundaries as a couple.
Learning how to fix a bad marriage isn’t as complex or intimidating as it might seem. In many cases, it all boils down to making small but powerful changes to fix your marriage issues. In time, these subtle shifts will dramatically change the course of your marriage.
It's not going to happen overnight, but it will happen 😉
>>> Do you have any powerful changes you have been able to implement in your marriage? Share your fixes below, no matter how big or small.