You were led to believe that once you got the ring on their finger the rest would be happy ever after.
But despite the very obvious fact you are married, what if it still doesn't feel right?
What if your spouse's heart just hasn't made that commitment yet?
There are several reasons your spouse may not be fully committed to your marriage. Some are simply a reflection of where they are at in their life, and others are a result of things you are doing.
Let's take a look at 5 of the top reasons your spouse isn't showing the commitment your marriage needs:
1. They're at a different level.
People fall in love at different speeds and at different times. For some people, it really is love at first sight. For others, love takes a little longer to develop. This isn't to say they aren't in love with you or that they will never reach the level you are at, but it's important to understand that the rate at which we fall in love is unique to each and every person.
He may have been ready to settle down before he met you. She may have had emotional baggage from a previous relationship that made her more cautious. Some people are a little more cautious when it comes to love, where others jump in the deep end, immersing themselves in the turbulent whirlpool of emotions and thrive. No approach is better than the other.
The key here is understanding that each person develops their connection and commitment in a unique way and at their own speed. If your spouse doesn't have the same level of commitment as you, it may just be that they are at a different stage and working at a different speed. Diversity is part of what makes your marriage unique!
2. You don't support your spouse's ambitions and/or don't make them feel appreciated enough
Everyone need their egos stroked, and for your spouse to feel like you are 'the one' it will help a lot if you can notice all the good things they do (like the effort they make with the chores, and the effort they make with what they are wearing.) It's easy to focus on the negatives, but it's even more important to notice and mention the good things!
It is also incredibly important that you don't try to change them too much, or let your own dreams in the marriage overshadow theirs. A great marriage is about supporting yours and their dreams. It is possible to achieve it all if it's important enough.
It sounds obvious, but there are a lot of women and men out there who try to mould their spouse into the person they wished they
were, rather than supporting them in being the best version of themselves that they can be. Loving someone is about loving them for who they are, faults and all. Remember, they love you for the same reason!
3. The sex isn't great
If your spouse has had a partner before with whom with the sex was better, or more frequent, this can make them nervous about being completely honest. They might be embarrassed about the subject and be hoping things will improve, which is why it's really important to talk about it and see if you can both find ways to get what you want in the bedroom
If you feel that sex isn't important, then that attitude could well be a reason for their coyness when it comes to full commitment. Sex is a vital part of a healthy marriage, especially because it strengthens and renews the intimate and emotional bonds the two of you need to sustain your marriage.
4. They have other priorities
Work, children, family, and friends. All of these things demand time and attention. Your spouse's lack of commitment to you may be a sign that they don't know how to balance these things in your marriage
If your spouse feels they've got other areas in life that require more attention, then that will come first and they will think of you later. If that's not something you're comfortable with, it might be time to discuss your priorities and balance as a couple.
5. Loss of free time and identity.
Let's face it, we all like time to ourselves where we can do our own thing. Marriages take up an enormous amount of time and
energy and that kind of pressure can take a lot of time to adjust to. Your spouse may miss the hobbies they used to do that they no longer have time for. They may have had dreams that have had to take a back seat in the interest of the marriage. They may feel marriage has changed the both of you.
What things did you enjoy doing before you were married? Is there time to revisit some of these things and make time to pick up these interests again? A healthy marriage is about a balance of "me" time versus "we" time. Individual hobbies or interests are great things to have, and give you both something passionate to talk about when you are back together.
Marriage doesn't stop you from doing the things you love. The only limit is your imagination. Allowing your spouse the time to do something they love may free up time for you to follow your passions.
Commitment is something that takes time to achieve. In a healthy, supportive marriage, that commitment you have to each other is made easier when you understand why you love each other and always look for ways to feed and nurture that connection.
Here's to your renewed, committed marriage.