4 Signs You're In An Unhealthy Relationship

The thought of separating from one's spouse can sometimes cause a person to overlook the red flags of a troubled marriage. While divorce has its own consequences, it is equally dangerous to simply ignore the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.

A marriage is supposed to be a safe place where you and your spouse care and love for each other. However, if you feel that this is no longer the case, or if respect has been absent in your marriage for some time, then you need to start looking at the signs.

For instance, a lot of negative emotions will be present in the marriage. Either one or both of you are likely to harbor emotions like resentment, anger, contempt, as well as a pessimistic outlook on the relationship. What's worse is that there will also be what's known as 'emotional leakage' where in the stress and depression will spill over into your job and general attitude towards life.

If you want to prevent marital disaster, the first step is to develop a further awareness of the typical issues that indicate there are some deep-seated issues that need to be addressed.

#1: A failure in communication is one of the most common warning signs in a marriage. A healthy relationship should be a two-way street which allows a couple to freely share their feelings and innermost thoughts without being attacked or judged. When it's come to a point where trying to get your point across will turn into a full-blown fight at the slightest provocation, then you know that something's wrong.

You can also tell if the communication process is dysfunctional when a couple doesn't say anything during an argument that will actually help resolve their conflict. Instead, they're more focused on exchanging hurtful words with the intention of demoralizing the other person and "gaining the upper hand".

A better style of communication would be to focus more on what you're feeling so that your partner will understand why you are upset in the first place. Instead of throwing accusations or playing the blame game during a heated argument, you are more likely to get better results by communicating your emotions and what can be done to rectify the perceived transgression.

This should go both ways for you and your spouse. Otherwise, you should be concerned if a relationship is suffering a lack of basic 'communication ethics'.

#2: When one of the people in a relationship thinks that there's inequality present, this creates a strong sense of resentment which is a sign of serious trouble.
A partner who feels wronged by their spouse is angry because they believe that their other half isn't contributing to the relationship. The only way to deal with this particular problem is through open and honest communication - obviously, it won't be possible if a marriage is no longer a safe place to air your grievances or express your innermost feelings.

#3: An extended lack of physical affection is also a deeper sign of trouble.
A marriage should have a strong element of intimacy, both in out of the bedroom. Sex is obviously important as it's part of the bond that keeps a couple together in a romantic sense. However, intimacy also means being physically close in non-sexual ways, such as hugging, exchanging a kiss before going to work (or coming home), or putting your arms around your spouse while watching a movie at home.

It's important to make sure you stay connected not just on an emotional level, but also on a physical one. Expressing your love through words is definitely vital to the health of your marriage, but you should also express yourself through touch. Being tactile with your partner on a consistent basis is must. There are plenty of opportunities for you to introduce touch into your daily routine, so the trick is to take advantage of these when they come up.

Find a reason to give your spouse a brief hug, hold their hand while you're walking out in public, or give them a kiss before they head out the door. It might seem that these "little" moments don't mean much on their own, but you have to look at the big picture - they count for a lot in the long run.

#4: A great part of being happy in a relationship is when a couple understands how important their individual interests are, even if they're not necessarily interested in each other's passions.
A marriage is in trouble if you and your partner don't make an effort to support each other on this front.

People are never static - either you're growing or declining. This is why you need to support your partner in whatever makes them happy and fulfilled. Everyone has their set of passions, hobbies and interests that make them the interesting and unique individuals that they are. These are the same qualities that both you and your partner had - not to mention the reason you fell for each other in the first place.

Whether it's stamp collecting, playing music, yoga, or volunteer work, open your eyes to what makes your partner tick. Make them feel that it's just as important for you to let them pursue these things. Alternately, let your partner know that you too have interests that give you a personal sense of accomplishment.

A marriage suffering from these warning signs is dangerous for the partners involved because there's nothing more soul-crushing than being trapped in an unhealthy relationship. Some say it feels like dying a little each day, so you need to take necessary steps to reverse these negative trends in your marriage. Change may take time, but you have to start the recovery process as soon as you can.

Complacency is one of the biggest mistakes a couple can make, so you can't take your marriage for granted or turn a blind eye when any of these red flags come to light. The quicker you act, the better you can stay on top of these issues and manage them before it's too late.

In light of these 4 marriage checks, how's your marriage looking?

See you next time for more great advice.

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8 comments on “4 Signs You're In An Unhealthy Relationship”

  1. I recognize all the signs in my marriage. I finally left as I could no longer deal with all the issues, the complaints, pointing fingers and no support etc... everything in this is so true. Too many times I ended up walking on eggshells in my own home hoping not to upset my other half and thus ending up in a verbal spat/fight.

  2. The Troubled Marriage Reationship.

    My grand son is married to a lady who have a baby out of wedlog. He accepted her with a child and made her a Complete Woman. To my surprise this she use to go and meet with the biological father of this boy. I have no prblem in that as the legislation do promulgate it but amazed by her reaction towards his husband's grand children. She often complain about their conduct in terms of respecting her and her born out of wedlog son. She wanted to create a situation whereby my grand son's children serve as sub ordinate of hers. I have in numerous occations tried to intevene and settle the matter but she still insisting to regard her son as superior to those of my son. My son ready don't want such situation to prevail in the family. We has resqued them from the brink of previous marriage catastrophy. She is up and above our family lifestyle views, nowadays. She intended to choose her son even more than her husband. Where is this type of marroage leading us to? I ready don't know how this would end up with!I often used to advice my son who happen to listen and try to repend but the lady don't. May you please assist if you can? Eager to hear from you all guys, I thank You! James M.

  3. @ James M. - I think she needs to have a heart-to-heart talk with you and your son how her behavior is affecting the rest of the family. She might not agree with you, but if you focus on the effects and what it makes everyone feel (rather than accusing her), she may just be able to get your point without feeling attacked.

  4. I am married to a man who was divorce and he is 13 years older then me. I just realized that all four signs here exist! I am disappointed from unable to have children as well, as he had a vasectomy from his previous relationship. I had talked through regarding what upset me, and in turn he loved doing things that he knew upsetting me. I am commit to faith and marriage,but it is now that I felt I can't beat any more.
    Tina D.

  5. Having had a drug addicted son for the last 5 years it has worn our marriage down. My wife had suffered in the past from anxioty. After many arrests our son now a felon in court ordered rehab she has taken the ground that he is more important than our marriage. Even though he continues to do drugs in our home she is mof the delution he does no wrong. Counselling is not working. All of the aforementioned is our marriage.This brings it home.

  6. Curious, how long have you been married to this man Tina? This describes my current husband exactly and I think he has a double life. He goes after little girls much younger and denies it, even though I have witnessed it many times. I hope we aren't married to the same fraud/conman. He did have a vasectomy after our second child. So I winced when I read that in your post. He shows ALL of these signs. He is a sex addict and has MANY girls. I know already I need to get the heck out of here. But, I would LOVE to expose his double life. He preys on women. How long have you been married to this middle aged man who preys on young girls? I am not saying this is him...but, they have a lot in common. "discreet dating" and double lives go hand in hand.

  7. Crushed! separated. He is a great man. Many wonderful qualities & I love him so very much but he was unhappy. After 19 yrs saying no longer felt like he wanted to be married. He got depressed, anxious, sad, going through changes & I would pray plenty because we all know that if GOD is not in the center of it all, nothing will have light. I tried to help in all ways possible. Was there for him but he wasn't interesting. Regardless, when he left. I didn't know until I walked in the house. I was giving him all the space he needed, you wouldn't believe ho;w much. But when I came back to
    the home to repeat once again, that whatever it was, we can work through it, that I'll be there for him because he is my dear husband, that I love him, I care, I will help him if he needed my help on whatever, let's go to Christian Marriage counceling as it is more understanding, more real, and they encourage you to stay & help
    together no matter what; he said no. I suggested soooo many things but to no avail, he refused. It's been 2 yrs & 3 months since he left the house & it's been the worse feeling, the worse moments I've been through & experienced in my life. Worse than a death. When you truly live someone, when is truly love, that is how it feels. I forgave him from the heart & willing to start all over with more love but I believe like the movie "FIREPROOF" with Kirk Cameron, how can you love your wife when you don't love yourself ir gave God Jesus Christ who saved you & died for you in that cross going through excrutiating pain for you. How can you seriously truly love if can't love yourself. Anyway, it is really sad & if it wasn't for God, my sadness would have won. I still hurt but I know at least God lives me when my husband in the end obviously didn't. He doesn't communicate at all so is really hard to know what he is thinking & became sick with this separation. Is easy to tell someone to forget about it, get up & continue, when no 1 can see inside the heart except tge creator who made it. I live day by day. I don't believe in tge D word. I will not pursue something I don't want & dont believe in unless is what he ask for in the end. If you are in my position & didn't ask for a separation & still love your a partner but WILLING TO FORGIVE, TO LOVE no matter what had happened, then stop. Don't pursue the D word. This is why the world nowadays does if so often because it became like a have it, like the thing to do & I believe is wrong. You got married to be married, right? Why else a person gets married! So unless you are asked for a "D", don't ask God it yourself. All has a solution! even when we don't think it. All dies! Is just that not everyone know how to get there & act, but if you were once in love, you can again. The anger & hurt is in the way, but if you asked God to cleanse your heart & your spouse so you can once again like before make it. You will! I haven't yet but I trust I will. I still do. It is what HOPE is all about! Is not denial as long as you know what is happening. Talk! they to communicate tge fears & hurts without blaming or acusing but say how you feel! Again, I have, & asked him to trust me with his pain also. If he doesn't want to, I can't do anything to make him & I wouldn't like that way anyway. God, our creator, if you humbly, not forceful! but humbly ask God to jump in, I believe he can & will! What GOD out together, let NO man separate ir out asunder! If we want a marriage to truly work, we have to support it & not they to separate it. One person by their behaviour by & with their care & love CAN do wonders. Don't give up! PS: sorry about any grammar mistakes, typing from my cell. Take care & God bless us all & help us heal as to going forward & follow our humble heart. Not the Angry proud selfish heart, but the once in love caring heart,

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