The Importance of Having Friends

A colleague Julie and I were discussing how we spend our spare time the other day, and in the midst of this conversation I came to the realization that the girl I was talking to had very few friends. In times of crisis when she needed someone to turn to, I was her sounding board, offering her gems of wisdom and support.

She told me that she didn’t have many friends after being married for 6 years. Apparently she had quite a few friends before she was married, but they all dropped off over time since she devoted all of her spare time to her partner. At the time, she felt her first priority was her husband, and that her friends would simply have to understand. After a while, friends stopped calling, and she woke up one morning with the realization that she had no really close friends in her life anymore.

How did it get to this?

I asked Julie this question, and initially she didn’t know how to answer. Her husband didn’t have all that many friends, so he only really had her to spend his spare time with, and he expected her to do the same. Her friends were mostly single, so didn’t always feel comfortable spending time around her considering she had a husband now. So the once or twice a week outings to bars stopped, and now she realized she had nobody in the world to turn to other than her husband.

Don’t get me wrong, her husband is a really nice guy, but at times I wondered if he seemed a little possessive, perhaps a little needy, and this neediness I wondered, may have cost her the friends she once had.

It got me to thinking.. When was the last time I did something alone with my friends? One of the things you realize in life is that the friendships and bonds you have with others are due to the time and effort that all of you are prepared to put in. They say the greatest gift you can give is time. I wonder how deep this truth is.

A healthy relationship requires a balance of "we" versus "me" time, and where possible, I encourage relationships with friends outside of the marriage. Part of being married is the realization that before you were married you were an individual. In fact, the individual is what attracted your partner to you in the first place. The individual had a clear sense of identity, knew what they wanted, and was a fun and interesting person to be around. Things change when you enter a relationship or marriage, but it pays to remember the person that your partner fell in love with.

Your friends are the people that will always be there for you, the angels that give you wings when you need a lift. Your friends often know more about you than you would care to think. Keep your friends. Make time for them. Foster your relationships with them. Love them.

The key to a healthy relationship is to love your partner. But your friendships are equally deserving of your time and love.

Recent Posts
"The biggest benefit I have gained from “Save My Marriage Today” was perspective. There were so many lessons about how to look at what was happening in my life from a different angle. I needed clarity and hope and “Save My Marriage Today” gave me that. They used practical tips and things that I could really work on to be proactive in salvaging my relationship with my husband. The true examples from real people gave me insight that you can really survive an affair! This web site is different from many others in that the focus of the “advice” and help really reflects the name ---- “Save My Marriage Today.” Other web sites may not have that as a goal, but the salvation of my marriage was definitely what I was looking for."

-- Rhonda K. (Cottageville, SC)*
"Save My Marriage was very instrumental in helping my husband and myself understand each other by learning to communicate love words, to respect each others space, and to speak up when annoyed and not harbor anger. We were on the verge of divorce, thinking there was no way to repair the damage. Save My Marriage was a God send and we thank you so very much. After years of misgivings we are happy that we joined Save My Marriage and we worked it out and stayed together. We will celebrate our 27th anniversary this year!"

-- Fred and Maureen B.
(Putnam Valley, NY) *
"Since I began reading your Save My Marriage Today newsletters I am changed and I have also given him some newsletters to go through. He has also improved. Thanks so much for your advice and help! Our relationship has made some great breakthroughs and we are soon getting married! After reading your articles we are now in love again and we do as much as we can to create quality time for one another."

--Maureen M.
(Kakamega, Kenya)*
"Save My Marriage Today put it together for me, it made sense and got me to slow down, live in the moment and think about what is really important and how I can achieve it. The weekly bonus emails are great too because they remind me to stay focused and cover new topics I might not have thought about or realized. It takes work and it’s the biggest thing I’ve ever been through but with the right tools I know I can do it"

-- Brett P. (Longmount, CO)*
"Im glad I came across your Save My Marriage Today website. The situations and solutions presented are real, practical and simple to implement. Other websites painted a picture that marriage should be absolutely perfect and have no problems but we all know that's impossible to achieve. However your website has shown me that marriage needs work and a change in certain attitudes and behaviors, and after that things are not as complicated as we like to think. Thanks Save My Marriage Today for a wonderful website and for helping me get my marriage back on track!"

-- Elsa K.
(Nelspruit, South Africa) *
"I found the Save My Marriage Today articles to be very helpful and insightful, and there were times that I thought there was a spy in our home as the articles were so personally related.

We have gone from "I should divorce you" to "Maybe I will keep you around for another 30 years." Marriage is hard work and if you have the right tools and are willing to work with them, you can make it last forever. I think my wife and I are soulmates and I think I would be completely lost without her."

-- Robert and Joanne H.
(Powell River, BC, Canada) *
"My marriage is experiencing a tremendous transformation. I, on behalf of my wife am very grateful to "Save My Marriage Today" for practically saving ours. What makes "Save My Marriage Today"different from other sites is that it is very simple and practicable to even a layman's understanding."

-- Inemobong U.
(Akwa Ibom, Nigeria) *
"My relationship with my husband had been going downhill for far too long, and I purchased your book in a desperate bid to fix things. After reading your info I discovered that I had been guilty of a number of the things that you identified as being warning signs of a problem marriage. I've been following your methods for remedying the situation, and I have been staggered by the success. Our marriage is now well on its way to becoming better than it ever was before and I can see us being happily married forever now. My eternal thanks!

-- Mary Evans, (Seattle, WA) *
"I found the biggest benefit from Save My Marriage Today was that you are educators in life, love, and happiness and that someone out there is human and understands the demands of the common family in society today, including struggles with money, intimacy, and your life not just your marriage.

I have spent countless dollars trying to get help and was sadly disappointed in all until now with you.. Save My Marriage Today has been a blessing to our family and we all thank you."

-- Doug M. (Davie, Florida) *
"I've been married to my wife for 15 years now and I was at a total loss as to what was going wrong with our marriage. She just seemed to stop loving me. Thanks to your book, I've totally changed the way I approach the situation, it was not easy, but during the last three months, the turn around in our relationship has been simply amazing! And her friends are a lot more supportive of our marriage too... I am so grateful!"

-- Steven Kitchen, Edmonton, Canada*
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace the advice of a registered relationship counselor. While SaveMyMarriageToday endeavors to provide helpful and workable advice for dating and relationships, face-to-face consultations with a registered professional are still recommended. Information contained on this website is provided 'as is,' without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall SaveMyMarriageToday be liable for any consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the information on this website. The information and recommendations are intended as an informative guide only and do not guarantee any kind of success or permanent fix. Results may vary.

© 2020 SaveMyMarriageToday.com All Rights Reserved. "SaveMyMarriageToday" are trademarks used by Unica Publications. By entering, you agree to our terms and conditions. By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our free email newsletter. You must be 18 or older to enter.To contact support use the Contact Us link above.
bars