Category: Making Marriage Last

We’ve all been there before. There you were, starting a new life with your partner, thinking of the infinite possibilities that lie ahead.

Then before you knew it, you became strangers to each other, scratching your heads over how reality shattered the high expectations you had at the beginning.

We’ve all felt that incredible rush that comes with falling in love with someone – followed by the rude awakening that comes with the difficulties of married life.

When you got to this point, did you feel like throwing in the towel or long for the perks of being single again?

If you have, don’t fret – anyone who’s been married for a while has come to this crossroads too. When your morale is at its lowest, it’s normal to have these feelings.

However, the good news is that this is just a temporary phase that you can power through. Like they say, the course of love isn’t always smooth sailing.

You can AND will get through the rough patches if you truly want to.

“How Do I Get Over The Disappointment?”

You may not be able to control your circumstances right now, but there is one thing you can master: your mindset.

Though the external world (i.e. the events in your life) may move in ways that cause you distress, ultimately you can still choose HOW to react.

Are you going let the outside world dictate what you feel on the inside? Or can you focus on thinking about the things you can change instead?

Your spouse may not be the perfect person you once thought he or she was, but does that mean you can’t choose to accept who they’ve become?

Yes, married life is tough – that’s a basic reality that we all have to live with.
Nevertheless, you still have the power to feel the way you want to, no matter how much life swirls around you. Besides, what you feel on the inside may not always reflect reality.

What Do I Do About It Then?

“I get that”, you might be thinking, “but it’s unrealistic for me to instantly feel better just by being more positive.”

Indeed, all the positive thinking in the world can’t change things on its own. Besides, it’s not about pretending that everything is ok when you know it’s not.

It’s about making the conscious decision NOT to dwell on the negatives of your relationship and focus on DOING something constructive instead.

Thus, the other part of dealing with disillusionment is making an effort to understand the underlying issue, which is having different ideas of what the perfect marriage is.

Calling Out The Elephant in the Room

Much of the “reality check” phase – when real life catches up to the fairy tale – comes from NOT having a shared definition of the ideal life with your partner.

Chances are this wasn’t the case in the beginning. You and your spouse probably had the same rough idea of the direction that your marriage should take.

Over time however, people change for one reason or another. Our experiences shape us in many ways, and major milestones down the line can affect our mindset and priorities in life.

Then there are cases where you had radically different ideas from the outset, but never got around to discussing them before getting married.

For instance, maybe you assumed your spouse was perfectly happy spending a lot of time at home to catch up on your favorite books, shows and movies.

On the contrary, your partner might have been more interested in travelling the world together, getting lost in the middle of nowhere while learning “strange” new cultures and creating meaningful experiences in the process.

Whatever your differences may be, it’s common for many couples to overlook this. They simply don’t realize that they’re no longer on the same page (or never were to begin with).

A lot of marital dissatisfaction comes from these fundamental differences; not only does it lead to disillusionment, but also resentment in the long run.

Taking The First Step

If you think that you’re not on the same page with your spouse, it’s probably why you’re feeling disenchanted or even cynical about your marriage.

If that’s the case, then it’s time to create subtle but effective changes in your marriage to get back on track.

Sometimes, the best way to start is by asking your spouse what’s on their mind.

Consider if you’ve ever asked your partner the following:

“What do you think it means to have a shared life?”

“Where do you see US in the next five years?”

Couples who have a common vision of their marriage already know the answer to these questions. For them, there is no emotional disconnect – they know what the other is coming from even if they don’t agree 100% on their respective dreams.

In fact, dealing with disillusionment isn’t so much about having the same ideas about the ideal marriage as it is being aware of them AND finding a way to reconcile them.

Finding middle ground is the mark of a strong, stable marriage. The next time you have the opportunity, try picking your partner’s brain in a casual, non-threatening way.

Sit them down with their favorite snack or beverage and slip it in the conversation. Get them used to the idea of talking about their hopes and dreams.

Although talking about these things might be essential, you don’t have to get “heavy” with your spouse about it.

Progress, One Day at a Time

In time, you’ll uncover your differences when it comes to what you both want out of your marriage. Like I said earlier, not having the same vision of the perfect relationship doesn’t mean you should be emotionally distant from each other.

You may have your work cut out for you right now, but taking the initiative to get these thoughts out in the open will benefit you both.

After you’ve eliminated the assumptions and misunderstandings, you’ll eventually regain a brighter outlook on things and stop being jaded about your marriage.

That’s all for now. But I’d love to hear about your experiences. What are your sticking points? What works for you?

Share in the comments below.

When I joined an overseas student exchange program many years ago, I learned an important truth. One particular sentence I came across during our cultural orientation stuck with me over the years:

“It’s not right, it’s not wrong – it’s just different.”

The purpose of our orientation was to prepare us for the inevitable culture shock we were going to experience once we set foot on foreign soil. More importantly, we were taught to accept the cultural differences without judgment.

That particular line resonated with me so strongly because I’ve been able to put it to use in many other situations well after my exchange program ended.

As I thought about the meaning behind the sentence, it occurred to me that the same truth applied to dealing with just about any person I had a disagreement with – significant others included.

Unpleasantly Surprised

Getting married is a lot like stepping into unknown territory. In a way, you’re immersing yourself in a new culture and a way of life that’s radically different from what you knew before.

Your spouse is another person with his or her own set of values, beliefs and principles, and they’re likely to clash with your own at some point in the relationship.

And when that happens, your differences in opinion won’t only make you feel like your spouse is from a different country, but another planet altogether.

Chances are, your marital version of culture shock might have triggered thoughts such as the following:

“How could he continually leave his dirty laundry lying around the house? He must be CRAZY to think I’ll always be there to pick up after him!”

“She keeps maxing out her credit cards every month – how can she be so calm about it? Does she think money grows on trees or something??”

So how can you come to agree to disagree about your “cultural differences” and accept that your perspectives are simply different?

Bridging The Gap

To gain a mutual understanding of your perspectives, you need to bring both sides of the story together. Your partner needs to know where you’re coming from, and vice-versa.

The best way to start is by sharing your feelings about a recent argument you had with your spouse. Let your partner know (without accusations or judgment) exactly what you felt when they rejected your point of view.

Furthermore, let them know why you experienced those feelings in the first place. Whether it was something they said or did, explain to it to them as if you were observing it from someone else’s point of view.

Consider the example below:

“It felt like my opinion was less than nothing because you didn’t even bother to listen to my side. You just kept repeating and reiterating why you believed you were right. Worse, I felt like I had to defend myself and my beliefs since you wouldn’t let up with the criticism.”

But you shouldn’t stop there – the other half of the solution is also letting your partner have their turn at sharing their own thoughts in the same way.

I’m going to be honest: It’s going to be hard to hear out your spouse. You might feel the urge to fire back at this point, but you don’t have to obey this instinct and hold your tongue instead.

(If you need help preventing a tense situation from escalating, it would be wise to go over our previous post:
http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/blog/a-5-step-plan-to-deal-with-anger)

Digging Deeper

After you’ve both shared your sides to the story, it’s time to address an important question:

What is it that made you feel so strongly during the argument in the first place?

You have to remember that we’re all unique individuals with our own quirks. Like characters in a story, each of us has a backstory that plays a part in the conflict.

However, there is no “good guy” or “bad guy” in the relationship – only two people who simply think differently for one reason or another.

Thus, your mission is to uncover these reasons because they influence whatever perspective you have about key issues in your marriage. This is the only way to create middle ground and foster a great sense of understanding between you and your partner.

A good place to start would be your childhood and adolescent experiences, as well as previous relationships. These shape a person’s outlook on life in a powerful way, and in turn influence their position in a given argument.

If you’re fighting about financial matters, perhaps one of you grew up in a household where there was enough money to go around, while the other did not.

For couples constantly arguing over sex, you need to look into how your previous relationships have affected your views on physical intimacy. For instance, one of you might have had an unpleasant sexual experience in the past.

Whatever your past may be, they need to be taken into account because both of you may be projecting your feelings from your previous experiences. Once the pieces of the bigger picture come together, you’ll find it much easier to accept your differences.

This is an important milestone in a relationship as it keeps you from attributing the conflict to a perceived personality flaw that your partner has.

What’s more, you’ll be able to forgive each other’s mistakes, and make a commitment to handle future conflicts in a more constructive way.

The ultimate overall benefit of this approach is this: while you’ll never agree on certain issues in your marriage, you’ll still be able to live with your differences and grow as a couple.

Couples often ask us how they can tell if “the spark” in the marriage is still there.

The first thing we always reassure people is that their relationship doesn’t have to be a copy of a romantic movie.

Not every waking minute has to be filled with romantic moments in real life. In fact, your relationship may seem boring compared to what you might see on the big screen and STILL, in reality, have that “spark” burning bright.

If you’re wondering about your own relationship, think back to the last time you went out on a date.

How did things go? Did you enjoy swapping stories and laugh a lot? Did you kiss and hug throughout?

Did your conversations feel like a landmine where one wrong move could trigger an explosive fight?

Having dinner at a fancy restaurant or taking a romantic evening stroll on a horse-drawn carriage won’t do you any good without a strong sense of closeness in your relationship.

The good news is that you don’t need a drastic overhaul to turn things around with your spouse.

If you’re feeling emotionally distant from your spouse, there are a number of “little” ways to bring back the closeness which don’t require to you to act like a character in a romantic movie.

The first way is to brainstorm simple activities which allow you to spend time with each other. Talk about what you both like to do and agree to accommodate each other’s interests.

For instance, maybe you’d really love your partner to join you walking the dog every Saturday evening while he or she would like you to join them for their monthly sci-fi movie marathon.

The challenge may be that you’re not into sci-fi and your partner isn’t really a dog person. However, your marriage can stand to gain a lot from supporting the other’s favorite activities.

In short, being close with your spouse has a lot to do with meeting your emotional needs by paying attention to them and responding appropriately. Imagine how good it would feel if your partner agreed to do things with you even if it isn’t something they are passionate about.

Don’t forget: The gift of your undivided ATTENTION is the most precious currency your marriage could ever have!

The other way to stay close to your spouse is by keeping track of the everyday things that you do for them – but never the other way around.

The point isn’t to make sure both of you are giving equally, but rather that you’re doing what you can to keep your spouse happy in small ways, one day at a time.

Here are some ordinary ways that will yield extraordinary results:

– Fix your spouse’s computer (especially if they’re technologically challenged)

– Be more attentive to your spouse during a conversation

Bear in mind that this is meant to create a positive atmosphere in your marriage on a gradual, daily basis. To make sure you’re doing this regularly, you can use a notepad to keep a running record, or even use a productivity app if you’re savvy with smartphones and the like.

For example, Lift (www.lift.do) is a habit-tracking program that you can access through your web browser or via an app you can install on your mobile device.

Use whatever tools you’re comfortable with so you don’t forget keeping your spouse happy in small, everyday ways.

Speaking of the last habit in the sample list above, truly paying attention to your spouse without cutting them off or judging them is a great way to foster greater emotional closeness.

Often we’re quick to butt in with our two cents’ worth instead of offering a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.

In your eagerness to offer your own opinion, you overlook the importance of listening and taking notice of the detail of what your spouse is sharing.

Sometimes, your spouse just needs a sounding board, someone to listen to their pet peeves or a concern that’s been bothering them lately. It’s really important that you can fill that role.

Remember, “simple” is the operative word. Suddenly going on an out-of-town weekend trip won’t magically bring you closer. Chances are you’ll get on each other’s nerves the whole time instead of enjoying your time together.

It might not sound exciting, but focusing on the ordinary occurrences in your daily lives is the best foundation to keep your relationship healthy. The more you can make those small moments positive and meaningful, the stronger your marriage will be.

I get a lot of consultations from members, and it gives me a vital insight into the state of marriages and where couples are encountering sticking points.

Feelings, the power of them (and sometimes the lack of them) are powerful things, and when we combine these into the fast pace of a modern marriage, it comes as little surprise that things come off the rails!

All too often we get caught up in the details of what hurts us and we forget to love.

I want you to read through the following email from a member and my reply to her:

“I just signed on for the course and wanted to tell you a little about my situation and see what advice you can give me. My husband had an affair a year ago that lasted for about a year and a half. He fell in love with the woman and out of love with me.

How do I make my marriage better and how do I make my husband happy? How is it that I make this home and marriage something that my husband wants and is happy with. Our situation is a chrisis but I don’t want to loose my husband and I don’t want to loose my family unit. “

My reply:

Thanks for your email and the work that went into your written submission.

What I can see here is a lot of talk about love and feelings, and very little understanding from either of you what love actually is or what it takes to achieve it.

At the beginning of a relationship or a marriage, it’s easy to love someone. It’s new, exciting, a little exhilarating, and the benefits of that love are quite tangible. However, over time, routine and ritual sets in and it becomes easy to take one another for granted. You stop seeing the special things and start noticing the little things that annoy you. You start to realize that the person you have committed to is not perfect.

If you take a look at Chapter 7 of Book 2, you will see that love is much more than just a word or a feeling. It’s an action. Your husband has stated that he loves you, but that staying with you is not what he wants and he’s not happy.

If your husband has decided to stay, mourning for the other woman is a torturous and unproductive pastime. Your husband is not a matyr, no matter how much he may believe this is so. In making a conscious choice to stay, he also makes a choice to be happy or commit to being some kind of victim.

The problem here is that your husband is neither a matyr nor a victim. Wallowing in self-pity and his memories are fine if he wants to live on his own, but in choosing to come back it’s unfair that he should subject you to such self-indulgent fantasy.

Your husband is not a child. As an adult, he is responsible for his actions and the consequences that arise as a result of those actions. You are not responsible for his happiness any more than you can be held responsible for his affair.

His happiness was not tied to you, nor was it tied to the woman he had the affair with. He fell in love with a misguided notion that another woman found him attractive, though the fact that the relationship has now ended would suggest the notion he had was less romantic than imagined hence why it’s over.

It’s easy to fill your life with “what ifs” and “what could have been”. Each day is filled with a hundred decisions to make, and any one of those decisions can have a profound effect on your life. Instead of focusing on what might have been, it’s safer to focus on what’s right in front of him… YOU.

My challenge to you in affecting change in your marriage is to challenge your husband’s behavior and his victim mentality. Love your husband using the suggestions outlined in Chapter 7 of Book 2, and challenge your husband to do so as well. Without some level of effort, the love is not going to magically come back. It’s not some invisible thing that comes and goes.

Set yourself a goal of finding a way to love him today. It could be a hug. It could be cooking his favorite meal. It could be surprising him with a favorite dessert after dinner. It could be renting a favorite movie and watching it together.

Either way, it needs to start somewhere. Small actions. Small ways of showing him that you love him and care for him. Those actions will be the one thing that sustains your marriage during this uncertain time.

He may not want jump straight back in to being your husband again, but he can be your friend. And you can be his.

Love is something we work on every day of our married lives. Even couples with successful marriages, those who have been married 20, 30, or even 40 years are continually finding new ways to love one another and understand each other on our life’s journey.

Your husband made a choice to come home to you. That’s a start. Now its up to you to challenge him to continue what he started. He has a choice: To either live in love and understand and learn more of what it takes to be married and living in love, or to wallow in self-pity and be a victim.

That’s where you and our course can help. You are being challenged to guide him and show him love. Lead by example. He will either choose to be inspired by you and follow, or he will leave.

Be the best wife you can possibly be. In times of crisis, your leadership is more important than ever before. If both of you sit and wait for the other to make the first move, your marriage is going to suffer.

You are being called to truly love. Lead by example and show him the way to a renewed, more loving marriage.

Anyone who’s been married for a while knows how the passion dies down in a relationship as the years go by. Yet, a lot of couples seem to be at a loss with how to actually deal with this common problem even though they’re well aware of it.

Sam, one of our readers from Irvine, recently wrote to us about his own problems in the bedroom:

“My wife and I have been married for almost fifteen years now, and things have been great until about three years ago. Shortly after we got married, I quit my day job to put up my own construction contracting business which meant that my wife had to work longer hours at her own job while I was struggling to get things off the ground.

She’s become sort of like the Sphinx; it’s become harder and harder to read her. Do I not turn her on anymore? Is she fantasizing about someone else? Does having sex with me feel like a chore to her? I feel like an unattractive loser every time she turns me down!”

This is something that many marriages go through – while it’s common, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything about it. There are a number of measures you can try to put the fire back into your marriage:

#1: Initiate

This means a lot of things, and not just making the first move in bed. Nevertheless, the first step is to take the initiative, even if you’re not feeling it.

Try giving your spouse a foot and back massage, or simply cuddle with them at the end of the day. Find ways you can touch your partner in little ways throughout the day. You may not be in the mood just yet, but initiating physical contact in a subtle way can lead from one thing to another before you know it.

Sometimes, you just need to keep the physical detachment from building up, and maintaining a tangible connection (whether or not it leads to intercourse every time) can be a good foundation for a healthier sex life. After all, you can’t just expect your partner to suddenly jump your bones after several weeks of little or no contact in general!

Speaking of being romantic outside the bedroom, it certainly doesn’t hurt to send your spouse sweet (or naughty) messages from time to time. Spicy notes, emails and text messages can go a long way to whet their appetite later on!

This might sound unusual, but another way you can take the initiative to boost your sex life is by de-cluttering your house. If you’ve ever watched those house makeover shows where there are foot-high piles of stuff clogging up couples’ homes, you’ve probably seen how unhappy they’ve become as a result of all their mess. This impacts their relationships, and as you might guess, their sex lives as well.

#2: Figure Out Your Rhythms

If there’s tension in the bedroom, chances are you’re on different wavelengths. The best way to address this is by figuring out some key details:

– How much sex do you and your partner want respectively?
– Who tends to the aggressor and who’s more timid in bed?
– What would the ideal frequency for each of you?

By looking at these aspects of your sex life, it’s easier to pinpoint how wide or close the gap is. This will then help you come to a mutually satisfying agreement.

After you get this out of the way, you’ll end up with a plan to make things in the bedroom more interesting. This way, neither of you will have unrealistic expectations, or get into a guessing game about who’s going to initiate.

#3: Look At Your Past

In many ways, your previous relationships and experiences growing up affect your sex drive. You don’t have to play psychologist here, but it would be practical to consider how these factors come into play with bedroom matters.

For instance, one of the people in a relationship may find that they tend to put their feelings ahead of their own. Perhaps he or she developed these issues growing up and it’s stifled their desire to initiate sex for fear that their partner isn’t in the mood.

Previous relationships can affect the sexual dynamics in your relationship as well. If a past partner used sex as a passive-aggressive tool to get their way in the relationship, then this can play a big role in your current one.

If it comes to a point where you find that some deep-seated emotional issues (i.e. an abusive past, childhood traumas) are interfering with your sex life, then it’s time to get a counselor or therapist involved. The better educated you are about these hurdles, the better you can get over them.

#4: Probe Deeper

Aside from looking at the surrounding factors affecting your sex life, it also helps to ask your partner up front what turns them on. If it doesn’t necessarily do anything for you but doesn’t offend you, then you can go past your comfort zone.

However, communication is a two-way street so make sure your partner also knows which fantasies and techniques turn you on. Though you may not agree on absolutely everything, it’s ok because that’s not really the point.

What matters is that both of you are throwing it out there, which is a lot better than keeping shut and second guessing each others’ desires. From here you can compromise on how far each of you can go in terms of meeting your respective sexual needs.

#5: Rule Out Any Medical Conditions

If you feel there’s a drastic lack of sex in the relationship and your partner is stonewalling about it, then perhaps there are medical factors that you haven’t considered yet.

There are very real conditions such as hormonal imbalance, depression or just being generally stressed out. Any of these could be distracting your partner from being in the proper frame of mind for having sex.

Be supportive. If you suspect that your spouse is going through any of these, find a way to see them through it. That could mean just being there for them when they need you, or doing research in order to better handle their condition. You may even want to consult with a doctor if the situation calls for it – there’s no sense in NOT getting as much as help as possible.

In the end, having an amazing sex life is about figuring out the related factors influencing your relationship, as well finding the areas of improvement. All of this adds up to being emotionally closer to your partner and increasing the intimacy in the process.

If there’s one mistake you can’t afford to make in your marriage, it would be complacency. Nothing could be more damaging than turning a blind eye to the danger signs in relationships.

Some couples know that they’re engaging in destructive behavior, but feel powerless to put a stop to the vicious cycle. On the other hand, there are also couples who are blissfully unaware of the damage they’re doing until their bad relationship habits finally catch up to them.

Whatever the case may be, you owe it to yourself – and your marriage – to know about the danger signs in relationships before you end up getting divorced:

#1: Fighting To Hurt

You might see this all the time in other couples, but don’t realize this is also happening in your own marriage. A sure-fire sign that your relationship is in trouble is when you actively participate in a no holds barred, back-and-forth exchange of hurtful words during an argument.

You’ll know this is happening when you’re no longer quarreling over your differences and have stooped down instead to trading insults simply to bring each other down.

The problem with keeping up this habit is that it fuels mutual disrespect that grows with each passing day. The only way to break this pattern is by making the first move to fight fair to show your spouse a different way of doing things.

You might think this is unfair, especially if you feel that you’ve been wronged by your spouse. Regardless of what’s happening, this isn’t the time to point fingers. The priority is to reverse this harmful trend and re-instill the sense of respect you had at the start of your relationship.

Being angry in the heat of the moment is perfectly fine, but don’t cross the line by lashing out at your spouse. Use statements that focus on your feelings rather than assigning blame, labeling your partner or insulting their pride.

Remember, making a general observation about the situation that doesn’t aim to hurt your spouse will get far better results.

Let’s say that you were offended when your spouse left the room and slammed the door on you during an argument. Instead of accusing him of being “insensitive” or “immature”, focus on the behavior that triggered your anger and let him know how his actions made you feel.
Next, ask him how you want to be treated so that he knows exactly what you want without attacking his dignity.

In this case, you could say something like, “I feel like less than a person and disrespected when you walk out on me in the middle of a fight. If gets too much for you, you could at least tell me you need a breather instead of cutting me off all of a sudden.”

#2: No Middle Ground

The reality of any marriage is that the partners will have a set of issues they won’t fully agree on. Whether it’s about the in-laws, financial matters or raising the kids, all couples will always butt heads over certain topics.

It can’t be helped – we’re all shaped by our previous experiences, a lot of which go back to childhood. At some level, you’ll always be different from your spouse.

The problem is when you can’t get past these differences that surface when you start arguing about certain issues. This is another of the danger signs in relationships – when

Over the months and years, these become sore spots in the marriage which could lead to divorce if you can’t compromise with your partner.

Instead of resisting the reality of your differences, you have to dig to the root of your issues to understand why both of you are so passionate about defending your respective opinions.

It always boils down to your principles and values; these are the core aspects of any disagreement that causes anger you when you feel that your moral code is being violated in some way.

Let’s look at a sample scenario: let’s say the wife insists on seeing her family every weekend while her husband would rather see his in-laws only on occasions such as birthday parties and holidays. They constantly argue about their opposing views on family life, so the key is to find the hidden story behind the conflict.

It may turn out that the husband in the scenario had a rough time growing up because of a turbulent family life at home. His parents might have fought a lot while his siblings got involved in criminal activity. The wife on the other hand could have grown up in a much more harmonious where it was important to get together with her relatives quite often.

This explains why this couple has vastly different opinions about what being a family means. They can’t change their pasts, but being aware of it is the breakthrough they need to find some badly-needed middle ground.

#3: Having “Hopeless Case Vision”:

Hope is what keeps someone going in spite of the difficulties ahead. Without it, a person is guaranteed to call it quits. Some even say that the absence of hope can be the death of you.

In the same way, perceiving your marriage as a hopeless case can lead to divorce if you nurture the feeling long enough. This is something that needs to be managed in all marriages, whether you’ve been together for five months or five years.

Otherwise, you’ll feel like all hope is gone. You’ll eventually grow apart and become strangers to each other. In the end, the only recourse is to go separate ways.

To restore the balance of positive emotions in your relationship, you have to take the initiative to create a foundation of goodwill that can help you get through the tough times.

In a marriage weathered by multiple problems, this may seem hard to do when too much has happened. You might ask yourself, “Where do I begin?”

There’s a two-part solution to combat negativity. The first step is to reacquaint yourself with your spouse’s world. This means having a good knowledge of what’s going on in your partner’s life – and in their head.

You can start by simply making the effort to know what’s going in your partner’s daily life, whether it’s their pet peeves at work, what they’re currently worried about (e.g. finances, career, health, the future) or the things they like.

Studies have shown that the better connected couples are in this intimate sense, the less likely they’ll come apart when they go through challenging phases in their marriage, such as unemployment, sickness, a death in the family and so on.
You can do this by simply asking your spouse when the opportunity presents itself. This way, you can get to know what’s the latest with him or her and give them the support they need. Plus, knowing that your spouse cares about you in this way is a great morale booster.

The other half of your marriage-saving solution is dead simple as well: using kind words of encouragement and affection. You can start with the daily habit of telling your spouse “I love you.” There are plenty of chances to slip this in, like before going off to work, turning in for the night, or even a short and sweet SMS or email.

After a week or so of doing this, you can build on it by complimenting your partner, even with the little things. For instance, telling your spouse how great they are at making dinner or how nice they look in their work outfit are powerful ways to remind them of the love you share.

Gradually, you’ll be able to recover from the slump your marriage has been going through.

Remember that while danger signs in relationships shouldn’t be ignored, they don’t necessarily spell the end of a marriage. Rather, they’re just a wake-up call to spur you into action and turn things around.

Though you might not have complete control over your circumstances, you very well have the power to decide how to react to adversity and safeguard yourselves against the threat of divorce.

That’s all for now. I look forward to your thoughts and opinions on this.

As a child or teenager, did you ever picture what your marriage would be like?