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Welcome to my Save My Marriage Today Newsletter Series! If you are looking for effective, powerful tips and techniques to save your marriage from the verge of divorce and rebuild the love that you both once had - even if your partner doesn't want to - then read on!
Taking Control of Your Actions
By Andrew Rusbatch
When your marriage or relationship is in crisis and you and your partner can't seem to communicate or cooperate, this can be one of the most powerless and frustrating situations that you find yourself in.
Wanting more than ever to fix things and make it right makes very little difference, and loving your partner and telling them how much you love them seems to have little effect on the way they feel about you.
As much as you want to save your marriage, sometimes this feels like it's not enough. Sometimes it feels like you are the only one that still cares about the marriage and the family, and the burden you feel can be overwhelming. That's when people reach out for help, and one way they reach out is by contacting me.
I get asked for advice, for information, for thoughts, and sometimes just for a listening and sympathetic ear. One thing all rings true for all people in this situation though: You can't control the actions of others.
Sometimes the most empowering realization is that you can control your actions. You can control how you act and react to others.
Have you considered how your feelings and reactions have influenced the outcome in your marriage situation? Has your despair or anger come through in your interactions with your partner?
"He makes me so angry"
"She makes me feel sad"
"You make me feel inadequate"
"You make me feel unloved"
Consider these statements. Using these statements implies that it is your partner, not you that makes you have those feelings, and that it's their fault that you feel this way. I'm going to let you in on a little secret...
It's not true.
Nobody makes you feel the way you do. You choose to be angry or sad, jealous or hurt, inadequate or unloved. Sure, it may be as a result of the words and actions of your partner, but ultimately you choose what feeling you have.
Someone may say something or behave towards you that elicits a reaction, but what reaction you choose to have is within your control.
Now in saying this, I am not implying that having a reaction or a feeling is your fault, but how much you choose to let it affect you is completely within your control.
If your partner says something that is deliberately hurtful, consider their reasons for making this comment. They may want you to feel as bad as they do. They may just want you to leave them alone. They may be displaying a defense reaction.
They may not mean what they are saying but they are hurting you in order to get your attention.
Consider what is motivating your partner to act they way they do. What is your best course of action in reaction? How is your reaction helping save your marriage?
You don't have to like the way your partner is treating you, and you don't have to condone their actions, but how you choose to respond can determine whether the marriage problem is going to decrease or escalate.
Respond with love. Consider what is in the best interests of your marriage. Tell your partner that while you don't agree with them, you love them. You love them because you choose to love them. You love them even if they don't love you. You are their friend even if they don't want to be your friend anymore.
This is one of the first steps to recreating love. Understanding the power of your actions. Choosing your reactions. Taking control of how you are going to let this marriage problem affect you. This is powerful stuff, and there is so much more in our marriage saving course.
Take the first step towards taking control of your marriage crisis today.
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Yours in marriage success!
About "Save My Marriage Today"
The "Save My Marriage Today" course is a comprehensive collection of marriage rebuilding tools designed to assist troubled couples in turning around the negative patterns of behavior that exist in their marriages.
We have a range of experience with a large variety of problems among the members of the Save My Marriage Today team and have managed to help many couples in crisis turnaround their patterns of negative behavior. We have a range of life-changing e-books, and also have a new e-book specifically written for couples in extreme crisis. We also offer free access to personal consultations from a member of the "Save My Marriage Today" team.
I am sure that we can help with any problem that you may have in your marriage.
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