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Welcome to my Save My Marriage Today Newsletter Series! If you are looking for effective, powerful tips and techniques to take your marriage back from the verge of divorce and rebuild the love that you both once had - even if your partner doesn't want to - then read on!

Life-changing Perspective

Written by Andrew Rusbatch

I recently visited a hospital to see a sick friend that had been in a car accident. My friend was lucky to be alive, having had a head-on collision on a dangerous stretch of highway and broken his pelvis, several of his ribs, and shattered his knee.

He had a good marriage, pretty average by any way you look at it, but the 30 years of marriage meant that complacency had crept into the marriage and the comfort of old habits and routines meant that the love might not have burnt as fiercely as it once did.

Something changed that night, and it was a sobering experience. Not only had this friend of mine taken life for granted, he realized that there were a number of other things that he hadn't paid close attention to. From that day forward, my friend realized he was lucky to be alive, and regarded the rest of his life as a second chance.

It changed his life in many ways, learning to walk again and spending months in therapy, but it also changed the way he looked at his family and his marriage.

I want you to look at your family and marriage. If you or your partner were affected by a life-changing event, how would it change your perception of what is important to you? Would you tell your children you loved them more? Would you spend less time at work and more time at home?

Would you spend more time enjoying yourself and having holidays with loved ones? Most importantly, would you tell your spouse how much you love and value them and thank them for being part of your life?

Some say that facing your mortality can offer you a heightened sense of clarity. It really narrows down the things that are important to you, and sweeps aside the trivialities that clutter our everyday existence.

I went to a workshop about a year ago, and one of the things we were asked was if we were to die tomorrow, would we have any regrets about our life?

• If you had one thing left to say to your loved ones, what would it be?
• If you could undo something you said to a loved one, what would it be?
• Would the issues that are pulling your marriage apart still seem so important?

If it's not possible for you and your spouse to agree on an issue, it is sometimes possible to simply agree to disagree on it and move on. Considering how much we choose to clutter our lives with trivialities, it may be possible to have two different opinions and still live in harmony.

For me, doing this exercise was a sobering time in my relationship. Being right isn't as important as being loved. Being first isn't as important as being together. Being perfect isn't as important as being human.

Live your life without relationship regret.

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Amy Waterman
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