Issues with Listening? Get Great Marriage-Saving Tips and Advice in My Free Newsletter Series!
Welcome to my Save My Marriage Today Newsletter Series! If you are looking for effective, powerful tips and techniques to take your marriage back from the verge of divorce and rebuild the love that you both once had - even if your partner doesn't want to - then read on!
When Is The Last Time You Listened?
by Andrew Rusbatch
It may sound simple, but it's true.
"Listen, learn, live."
Even though people think they know everything they need to know about a marriage problem, I will let you in on a little secret... THEY DON"T!
It's so frustrating how people don't listen to their partners when they are in conflict situations. Saying that, the ability to listen in conflict situations is difficult unless you are aware of your need to listen carefully.
You may be anticipating what they are saying and rehearsing your reply, you may be retreating back within yourself and protecting yourself from hurtful comments, or you may be concentrating on ways to hurt your partner in reaction to the hurt you are feeling.
Listening is a crucial skill however, and none as important as when you are in a crisis situation with your partner. In order to understand your partner's perspective you need to understand what they are trying to tell you.
It can be hard enough in a conflict situation to make sense of what is being said, as your spouse may or may not express their feelings in a clear manner.
However, if you are unprepared to listen, you are going to be unable to resolve this conflict and address the issues that have arisen in your relationship. If you are serious about resolving conflicts and dealing with your issues so that you can rebuild your marriage, you need to develop skills to listen.
Listening is part of your commitment to your partner. If you are able to listen carefully to your partner, you are firstly showing them respect by letting them voice their opinion. You are also able to show your commitment to resolving your issues in an appropriate manner.
You are able to put aside your own interests and agendas and look at issues through your partner's eyes. Quite often the ability to listen attentively to your partner will help save a lot of time and misunderstanding. A lot of conflict arises as a result of misunderstanding, and attentive listening goes a long way towards combating this.
But there is a lot more to it than simply sitting quietly while your partner has their say. You actually need to process the information that your partner is giving you. This is more complicated than it sounds. There are a lot of barriers that inhibit your ability to fully process the information that your partner is giving you.
Daydreaming or zoning out
Holding your position
Slow down, listen to your partner's concerns, and then act. There is plenty of time to solve the conflict properly.
Distracting or derailing
Next time you are discussing an issue or having an exchange of opinions, have a think about how you are listening to your partner.
Are you employing any of these strategies?
What topics do you have the most trouble listening to?
Assess your listening skills next time you are communicating with your partner. Awareness of these blocks to your listening is the first step to better communication and saving marriages.
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